say you are made of clouds, they say
you are made of feathers,
they say you are everywhere
or nowhere
but we know you are both. Our flight
is delayed, this airport
another nowhere, if this
is your final destination, the air
murmurs, if a stranger
or anyone you do not know well
offers you anything . . .
but how well & what’s he
offering & is this our final
destination? At the hotel (The Boca
(mouth?) Raton (rat?)
Plaza) we are handed the key
to room three one three—home
for a week or so. On the lobby
tv a woman who was once apparently
enormous holds her old jeans up to her
body & smiles. Neil Diamond sings
& when I go into the bathroom
he follows me—everybody has one. Paradise
is cloudless, they say, impossible
to know. Yesterday
a man was sucked into the earth as he
slept—a sinkhole opened below his
bed. Not even his brother
could save him. In the restaurant (Our
Place) my daughter orders corn flakes,
the waiter says they have no
corn flakes, points to the raisin
bran. Okay? Okay. It comes with a
pitcher of milk, she pours
nearly all of it into her bowl,
until I stop her she will keep on
pouring. Three more
tvs are screwed to the wall above us—
a car goes round & round, a baseball is
thrown, a man slams his racket to
the clay. My daughter
pushes her bowl away,
picks two packets of jelly from the basket
one purple, one red, she
pulls the plastic off one, then
the other, lifts each to her tongue—red,
then purple. The wallpaper is trees, or
the texture of trees, a landscape seen
from above, a contour map of an unnamed
mountain, people wandering across
the face of it—between the trees, a map
of silence. If we were closer
we could tell river from
leaf, mountain from shadow, a fire making—
unmaking—itself, unless the red is nothing
but iron in the soil, unless each rock has
been pulled from the furnace &
pounded into a ladder, unless the trees
are simply nails. What is this strand of DNA
between us, unconnected to & of
the shadows parading past, our outlines
already chalked onto the earth? Angel, you
pour your body (red, purple) into your
white coffins,
you pull the plastic sheet tight—Angel,
how do you live inside them, how
do you wait? I live on air &
light, I drag my daughter every-
where, this morning she
muttered Federer, Federer, Federer
like a spell & it was as if he
stood before us again, his perfect red
jersey. Florida—
sinkhole, gasoline, cicada—how many
mornings did I swivel on the red stool at
the supermarket lunch counter, the
aisles dark & empty
behind me, my mother in back extruding donuts
while I twirled or wandered or made toast
& the basket of butter & jelly, each
in its little wasteful tub, impervious to air
or time or decay. Angel of Strawberry,
Angel of Grape, your purple body
not only fills these coffins
but takes the shape of the coffin—emptiness
made whole,
color now a shape, your whole being
fit into a block—a block,
a brick, a book. Angel, the sun
not yet up, my mother
bundled me into the car still
sleeping. Angel,
my daughter now wants only you
she asks for the whole basket, she pulls
back the sheet, puts her tongue in—
strawberry is her favorite, because it tastes
like strawberry.
Nick Flynn is a writer, playwright, poet and professor in the creative writing program at the University of Houston, where he teaches each spring. His most recent publication, The Reenactments, chronicles Flynn’s experience during the making of Being Flynn, a film based on his acclaimed 2004 memoir, Another Bullshit Night in Suck City. Flynn is also the author of three collections of poetry, including Some Ether, which won the inaugural PEN/Joyce Osterweil Award for Poetry in 1999 and was a finalist for the Los Angeles Times Book Prize. Additionally, his poems, essays and non-fiction have appeared in The New Yorker, the Paris Review, National Public Radio’s This American Life, and The New York Times Book Review.